HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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