I wish I could teleport
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
