Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
