paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
