I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
