Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
