she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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