Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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