Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
