How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
