dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
