If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
