I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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