We're facebook friends in real life
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
