Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize