When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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