omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
