Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
