JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
