wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
