Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
