..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
