Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
