I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
