how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
