shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
