You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
