i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
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The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
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From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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