i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
