1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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