so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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