Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
