I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
