ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
