I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
