we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
