Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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