I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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