Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
