I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
