We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
