Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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