Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
