Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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