Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
