I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
