my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
