I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
