Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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