Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
