i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
