I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
