Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
