My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Woke up backwards on a recliner
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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