god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
