I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
