FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
