Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
