yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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