her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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