okay pat passed out under dana's car
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Randomize
