dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
